i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
