Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
