I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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