thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
