maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
