i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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