there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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