life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize