He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
