I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
