Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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