Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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