I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
