There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
