those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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