Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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