The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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