I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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