margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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