life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
