I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
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for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
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Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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