Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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