My first STD was from a foam party
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
