WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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