i think i have herpe
just one?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
