At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
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Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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