im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
