I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Quick, to the slutcave!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wish there were birth control emojis
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
