I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
