I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
