What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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