remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
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It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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