I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Damn victory sex feels great
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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