I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize