the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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