I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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