I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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