Little spoons don't ask big questions
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
