i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
