I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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