I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
