drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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