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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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