I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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