Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
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he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
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Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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