First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
