so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
