Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
