Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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