my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
