I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
