dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
