Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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