He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
