I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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