You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
