Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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