i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
