Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sext me about skeletons
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
