Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
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I FOUND THE LEGS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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