The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can I color on your dick again?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
