I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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