none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
