Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
