the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
