She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
