I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
