Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
