Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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