if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
