I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm really busy with my period
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